Thursday, June 24, 2010

2010's Top Ten Celebrity Lust List (A Belated Valentine Confession)

Incredibly belated, but here nevertheless. Only one celeb made the cut from last year's list.
In no particular order.

1. Megan Fox

Yeah that's right. Megan Fox. Again. Tanned, white as snow, twiggy and taut, or boobalicious and full of Restylane. She's the one. Jennifer's Body was awesome - don't doubt the irresistibility of a cannibal cheerleader. (And yes I own Jennifer's Body the graphic novel, and Jennifer's Body the YA novel). When Aubrey Plaza gave her speech on the MTV Awards this year, it was like my brain leaking on live television.

2. Aubrey Plaza

Speaking of, I've had a crush on her since I started watching Parks and Recreation. She's sassy.
Here's a video of her stand-up as Sarah Silverman.

3. Jensen Ackles

I watched Supernatural when it first came on, and fell in love. Then I moved, didn't get cable, didn't have my own computer, the DVDs were expensive, and that was that. Then all of these problems solved themselves. And Supernatural was back in my life. And so was Jensen Ackles. Along with flare pants. Come on guys, give Dean better jeans. However his  eyes penetrate my soul like Extra Strength Bengay, and his throat-scratchingly deep voice (and I mean throat-scratching; that can't be natural) are too sexy to ignore.

4. Billy Burke

The Hot Dad from Twilight. Arguably Peter Facinelli is also The Hot Dad from Twilight, but I'm all country. Plaid shirt, stubble, mashed potatoes and a badge. Give it to me.

5. Kristen Stewart

I swear I'm not trying to plug Twilight. She's hot and I want her eyebrows. The whole I'm-not-angsty-I'm-just-misunderstood thing is kind of sexy. She's like the bad girl in high school that was cool because she didn't want to be. I don't know if she actually is a lez, but the rumors don't hurt. What, what?

6. Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Does anyone remember her in Wolf Lake (starring Lou Diamond Phillips!)? How bout that creepy makeout scene to Deftones in the dude from Vampire Diaries car? She's also been in a bunch of movies I like; Death Proof, the Black Christmas remake (maybe "like" is a strong word), and Final Destination 3 (and yes the word "like" is definitely appropriate). She's also in the soon to hit theaters Scott Pilgrim movie (set in Toronto! by Ontario-native comic artist! Bryan Lee O'Malley) and the in-production remake of/prequel to The Thing. Oh yeah, plus she's hot.
Scott Pilgrim VS. The World Trailer

7. Alexander Skarsgard

Fuckin' hell... There are so many photos of this guy's ass on the internet. And to think he played one of those gay models in Zoolander. I don't even know what the hell else he's in besides True Blood. Which by the way, is off to a great fucking start this season. I bet he gets so much pussy his dick is going to be condemned by the humane society. Girls, click this link to be taken to A-Skars showering to a techno version of a Fleetwood Mac song.

8. Joshua Jackson

I'm really glad he's had a career revival with Fringe. I can't really think of much else he's done that I've liked since his legendary role as Pacey Witter: Teacher Fucker. He seemed to be in every movie I watched in the 90s; Urban Legend, Cruel Intentions, Scream 2 , The Mighty Ducks, Apt Pupil, and The Skulls (technically 2000). Who didn't have a crush on him back then? Glad to say a decade later he's re-ignited the fire in my nethers that was senselessly put out by too much whining and Dawson Leery.

9. Katie Cassidy

Usually blonde, I swear I'm not biased, I just couldn't find any photos like this of her with her natural (usual?) hair colour.
She's in the upcoming Chris Carter movie Fencewalker, sadly no aliens. She won me over as Ruby in Supernatural. She starred in Harper's Island, the murder mystery series, which had one of those "the only way for you to see/the only way for us to be together is to kill everyone we know" endings. She also starred in Black Christmas (remake), When a Stranger Calls (remake), the new Freddy movie (remake), and the shit-canned Revenge of the Nerds (remake). And she's in Melrose Place (remake). I guess her track list doesn't look so hot after all. But hey we've all gotta pay the bills, and being Queen of the Remake isn't such a bad title. Plus I think she's a steady up-and-comer, and more importantly I like her.

10. Justin Bieber

Just kidding!

10. Jason Stackhouse... I mean Ryan Kwanten

He plays Jason Stackhouse amazingly. In fact, I'm kind of obsessed with everyone on that show; the actors and the characters they play. But anyway look at him. A quick google will reveal abs aplenty.

If you didn't make the list this year, it's because you're either:
A) Dating Peaches Geldof
B) Not as hot as Megan Fox
C) I don't even remember you from last years list.

Better luck next year!

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