Thursday, June 3, 2010

2010: The Future is Movies

Still haven't seen THE WILD HUNT, but want to. It's a horror/thriller about LARPing. Need I say more?

Who doesn't want to see this?

Predator (Widescreen Collector's Edition)

I can't fucking wait. I live for aquatic horrors. Christopher Lloyd, Richard Deyfruss, Eli Roth and Jerry O'Connell? It's so wrong that it's right. The only way it could be better is if Jennifer Love Hewitt played a scientist. There's something about a horror movie with tons of wet, horny teens that will never epically fail to deliver. Definitely a remake (Piranha 1978) worth watching.

You know, Sarah Polley used to come into my old work, and she would always him-and-haw over how expensive things were (ie: a $5 card). But I still love her, and I'm dying to see Splice. It looks like a hybrid of Species, The Fly and Dario Argento's almost unwatchably disturbing episode of Masters of Horror - Jenifer. Plus the dude who directed Cube directed this one. I think definitely worth seeing.

JJ Abrams and Steven Spielberg. The teaser trailer definitely teases, but it looks to be about aliens. So right on. (Oh yeah, but it doesn't come out til 2011).

Of course I want to see this. It's based on a comic book (Jonah Hex: Origins), not that I've read it, and I have a total nippon for Megan Fox. Throw in a disfigured Josh Brolin, a supernatural western revenge storyline and I'm ready to line-up for a ticket. I'm about 50% sure it will suck, but then again I liked Clash of the Titans (2D).

As in based on the YA novel by Christopher Pike (Chain Letter)? I can't help but feel angry when I watch this trailer. It seems like an uncredited, updated version of said book I read in grade seven. I used to be obsessed with his books, as I'm sure a lot of girls back then were. He was my idol. And of course I want to watch it, but I will feel very guilty afterward.

Yes it stars Nicholas Cage, but I think it looks pretty sweet. I like this whole jailed witch concept.

Starring Garret Dillahunt who played a creepy cyborg in The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Something about him playing a character that buys a bengal tiger is believable. I kind of just want to watch it because it's such a funny idea. It looks like a surreal Cujo.

Alright, this looks kinda terrible. I'm pretty sure I've already seen this story - underwater, however it is a teen supernatural thriller. And I love that shit.

Which brings us to THE LAST EXORCISM, the new Eli Roth produced movie. Eli Roth hasn't let me down so far in any of his carnations. But I don't know how I feel about what I've seen so far. I'm not sure if it's the way it's shot, the tone, the characters, or the concept, but I'm not feeling it. I like the idea of the main character - a rugged, hard-as-nails, travelin' exorcist but the trailer definitely wasn't a hard sell.

If you're looking for something with more of an oriental feel. How about:


WOMB GHOSTS, yeah that's right, WOMB GHOSTS

Being released on DVD this year (at least it looks like it should be) is the NIGHT OF THE DEMONS remake, starring Edward Furlong. It looks horrific but I will watch it. They even brought Linnea Quigley back. Night of the Demons 2 is one of my favourite low-budge horror movies ever.

One final thought, I can't end this post without first saying what absolute trash Shutter Island was. I have no idea if the movie closely followed the book, and I don't care. The whole concept basically hinged on the one thing that makes the worst ending in a movie - "it was all a dream/they made it all up". Oh he's insane? Really? Probably not as insane as I was to get my $12.50 back. A role-playing game with the whole hospital involved? There's suspension of disbelief and then there's drowning in not a fucking chance.
And don't even get me started on The Human Centipede. Most disgusting trailer I never want to watch again.

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