The Devil Machete'd Your Gatoroid Sharktovampire

Some movies to keep your eyes peeled like skinless grapes for.


DEVIL (2010)
Say what you will about M. Night Shyamalamadingdong, but I usually like his movies. I loved The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs (although I don't think I'll be able to feel the same way about the loving father Mel Gibson character), The Village, and yes, even Lady in the Water (although it took re-watching it to feel this way). I didn't really like The Happening, but it never stood a chance due to poor casting choices. And no, I haven't seen The Last Airbender.

What I think DEVIL has going for it, is that M. Night is creator of the "story" and nothing else. It's an interesting concept, oh yeah and it stars Bokeem Woodbine.


MACHETE (2010)

Do I even need to explain?




MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID
So there's a lesbian porn being released soon, starring your two favourite eighties crushes - Tiffany and Debbie Gibson (sorry, Deborah Gibson). Oh wait I didn't mean porn, I meant something even better. A movie about them facing off with sea serpents and shit. There is no official trailer yet (just clips that don't work on my computer), but here is a taste of what's to come:



But wait, do you feel it isn't quite sexy enough? Let go of the emptiness inside, because the light at the end of the tunnel is Eric Roberts (who really is awesome) on subscription television:
SHARKTOPUS (2010)



Also looking forward to James Gunn's super-hero comedy Super. Starring, wait for it, Nathan Fillion, Rainn Wilson, Liv Tyler AND Kevin Bacon! What is not to like? Looking forward to the next movie by the creator of Slither. A great movie, there are some really hilarious/amazing scenes, including one of my favourite scenes in a horror movie:

Trailer for 30 Days of Night: Dark Days, you can catch this on DVD in October.

Steve Niles also has a shit ton of awesome comics to read as well, if you're interested (and you should be): Steve Niles Omnibus.


American remake of Let The Right One In.
LET ME IN (2010)


Looks like they're making a horror movie version of Little Red Riding Hood starring Amanda Seyfried.

I'm pretty hooked into Work of Art. I usually end up rolling my eyes at least six times per episode,  but I'm loving it. I hope there is a season two. I'm pretty sad they kicked Ryan off, but he didn't fit; he's the least pretentious and actually has a sense of humor. It would be a super awesome idea if they made one for comic creators, and then I was on it. Submit that request to Bravo.

My Kelley Armstrong workshop was pretty fantastic I must say. I loved my classmates and my teacher. Her now book Waking the Witch was just released in the states, and is released in Canada August third (my birthday!). You should all check it out. 
Here's hoping all my writing will result in either an awesome first book in a series of novels, or an awesome first in a series of graphic novels.

Total Eclipse of the Bone

Going to see Eclipse this week. Yes, still another Twilight movie without intercourse. And yet, I keep watching. When they finally do it in Breaking Dawn, Cineplex is going to have to lay down plastic on all the seats. This much sexual tension can't be good for young girls.

(No I didn't make that image)
And in case you're Team Edward, you might want to click this link to see evidence that suggests, the real reason he's holding out.

Will be in Toronto next week (What? You're not in Toronto right now? No.) for my workshop with Kelley Armstrong. She's the author of the well-known The Otherworld books, and the YA Darkest Powers series. Gotta say, I'm pretty pumped. This year is going by so fast. Soon I wrap up my creative writing course with Richard Scrimger, author of Me & Death: An Afterlife Adventure. I feel so grateful for everything good that's come my way this year. I'm at a Fork, and it's not the one filled with glittery vampires. Har, har. (Or is it Forks?) And then it's off to finding an apartment in Montreal for September. And uh, then I guess I better learn some french.

After my first day of class, I'm going to walk up to Bloor Cinema to watch Mother. Written and directed by South Korean Bong Joon-ho, the same guy who wrote and directed The Host. The Host is one of my favourite films. And I do not like sub-titles.


Wanted to give a quick review of Splice. It's one part V.C. Andrews (you know you read that shit when you were fourteen), one part science fiction and one part eighties B movie. Definitely worth watching if that sounds good to you. I enjoyed it. Couldn't speak for about five minutes after leaving the theatre, but a solid movie in the genre.

And finally, I'm sure you've all seen it by now, the video of Chris Brown pretending to cry in front of a huge audience (at the B.E.T.'s? I don't know. Something us whities aren't fameelyar with). Whether it's a case of being a shitty singer and trying to find a way around it, faking tears to portray himself as sensitive after pulverizing a woman's face, or because he's got a dick the size of a coffee bean. Who cares? The bottom line is that he cried while choking out the odd word to Man in the Mirror. We all know you can sing and cry. Who hasn't seen a season finale of American Idol? What makes Chris Brown's pain any more debilitating? If you don't already hate the guy as much as the rest of the world does, fast-forward to the 4:30 mark.

What a fag.